İMarilyn Kerr 1998-2001
My name is Pat and I have never joined in a chat group or wrote an e-mail to someone I don't know, because I have a husband that does not like my computer and especially not communicating with a stranger, but couldn't pass up the chance to tell my story.
I am 56 now. In 1986 after going back to school, with my husband telling me that I was crazy, and getting my GED, I started college. In spring of 88 I came down with Epstein Barr virus and also had a hysterectomy. Somehow, with Gods help, I graduated, about that time I began to feel so tired all the time every day was a trial to get through. But the Doctors said it was my age and the emotional strain. My husband agreed.
In 1992 I found my father, after 41 years, we became very close, so close that it made a greater strain on my marriage. Dad died in 1994 after two years of us being together day after day. The fatigue and pain, along with losing Dad made me begin to pray and ask God to take me to where Dad was. As a Christian I couldn't take my life, but I thought that maybe he would take me if I asked him to. Well it didn't turn out that way.
I couldn't work anymore, I was a R.N., so I went to my doctor and was told that I needed psychiatric help. I figured everyone else was right so I started therapy. Always so tired and so stiff and sore. My eyes would hurt, I was having a harder time concentrating. About a year after starting therapy I had begun to accept Dad being gone, but continued to feel so tired and having so much pain. By this time I had started receiving Social Security Disability on a diagnosis by the SS doctor of having Clinical Depression, Antisocial Personality and a few other less diagnosis thrown in, with my husband negative, attitude and the death of my father. My counselor and psychiatrist did not agree with the SS doctor and after that first year said I was doing extremely well and it was up to me if I wanted to continue with therapy. And about the same time I kept pestering my doctor about the fatigue and body pain finally he threw the word "FibroMyalgia" at me as if it was a light case of a cold or something and asked me if I was continuing with my therapy. When I told him no he just shook his head. So until just a few weeks ago with Gods help I have just went along on my own. I typed Fibro Myalgia into the search area of my computer and here I am. Some days I am so exhausted that I sleep more and don't do much other days I feel fairly good though the pain is never gone totally. My husband still thinks I am depressed because of my father. He says the doctors have not found anything wrong so it must be in your mind. But thanks to the Internet and the memory of my father telling how special I was I know now that lot of my problems have a physical basis.
I guess what is really difficult is knowing that I had the potential to do some good and now I seem to not be able to do the things I so much wanted to do with the remainder of my life. During my three years in college I kept almost a 4.0 average. I was chosen most outstanding in my class and most likely to succeed. Now I am exhausted and in pain along with the other aggravating things like the loss of concentration, etc.
Well sorry for drawing this out so long, but haven't had anyone to tell it to. That's not entirely true I write a lot. Poems, my father and my story, etc., but not to anyone to read.
Thanks alot for the chance to tell it to
someone. Pat Collins
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 98 1:37 PM
I have seen Rheumatology at the VAMC (no city) off and on for years for my complaints of pain. They have told me repeatedly that I do not have rheumatoid arthritis, that I have severe degenerative joint disease; therefore, the pain I feel is not in my bones it's in my head.
I had an excellent primary care physician who diagnosed me with FM. However, she sent me to the pain evaluation team associated with Rheumatology -- who told her I'm making it up. She has since moved to Mayo Clinic.
Now I'm "stuck" going to VAMC because of lack of insurance and extremely low income. A few months ago, orthropedics ran out of ideas on what to do with me. Multiple surgeries and joint replacements have not solved the pain problem. When I complained of neck and arm pain, I was sent to Neurology. In Neurology, the doctor touched me on my neck, shoulder and said "her muscles are spasming she has Fibromyalgia." The problem is, that many of my routine doctors are still listening to the "if it's not in the bones its in your head" comment from a psychiatrist on the pain evaluation team in Rheumatology.
In Neurology clinic, however, they have not a lot of interaction with this lady, so I am being treated for fibromyalgia through Neurolgy clinic -- medications and all. If I have a flare up of intense pain, I call the doctor there for help. Sounds strange to me, but it works.
I also have a new primary care physician who also believes I have FM.
Jackie
Index of CFIDS/FMS Info Pages
Visits to this page from March 3, 1998 to March 2000: 964
Since July 17, 2001